frustrated-fallen-angel:

hamburgergod:

cuddlemonstercas:

oneglitterorgy:

urbandictionaryfinds:

hidefjesus:

I laminated a paper towel

why does this have 31 thousand notes

You made it useless but also prevented it from the end it was predestined for.

But wait this is actually freaking me out though, it raises so many questions about the otherwise incomprehensible meaning of life as a collective whole versus personal sustenance and longevity

Imagine if one day you were given a choice: Become immortal and indestructible for eternity, unable to be harmed by anything ever again, and get to live forever.

However, in order to achieve that you must give up whatever your purpose in life is. Whatever it is that you were always meant to do, what you were supposed to contribute to the overall scheme and future of the life of the universe, your purpose… the whole reason you were even created, even born in the first place. You must give that up. You don’t know what that is. You’ll never know; But, regardless, you say yes.

Perhaps you assume you wouldn’t have made any sort of significant difference anyway. That butterfly effect theory or whatever they call it? Nah, you call bullshit. It doesn’t matter - you don’t matter, at least not to anything outside of your immediate connections - and it’ll all be fine, and you’ll just live forever with minimal (or maybe even no) consequences.

So, yay! You’re now immortal. You’ll never die or get hurt ever again. Wee!

But then, centuries and centuries later (not to mention that by this point you’ve gone through horrible heartbreak and misery and despair because every loved one you ever had, every friend you ever made, ever person you barely got to know, has passed away, died as you lived on long without them, helpless to do anything for them as you watched them perish, unable to ever go with them or ever see them again. But I digress), now, you learn you actually were important in the grand scheme of things. You were supposed to be a key factor in the world’s survival, long ago; but, because of the choice you made (immortality over individual purpose), you were never given the knowledge or awareness or resources or ability to save the world that you were always supposed to obtain, before you unknowingly made the wrongest choice to ever wrong.

Needless to say, you’ve fucked up big time.

The entire universe as we know it is destroyed soon after this horrifying revelation. It implodes, collapses in on itself, essentially forming a massive black hole or something. Stars, nebulae, galaxies, solar systems and planets, worlds and worlds of living people and things, and light-years of time and space and life, all sucked up into absolute, indefinite nothingness.

But you remain.

Just you. Floating amongst, spiraling around, rocketing through, suspended in… nothing. With a feeling of such unbelievable loneliness that your feeble brain can hardly perceive, can’t possibly hope to comprehend. Not only are you the only living thing left, you don’t even have one inanimate object to keep you company. You have literally. Nothing. And you are literally nowhere. I mean, technically, you are now the universe - if it would bring you petty comfort to think about it that way. You. Only you. With nothing, no one, nowhere. Forever. And ever. And ever.

All because you thought you didn’t matter. That you had no real, meaningful purpose. That you could never possibly make a difference.

But you did. And now look what you’ve gotten yourself into, you silly nugget. You’re gonna be pretty bored and lonely for that eternity, huh?

Or maybe it was out of selfishness. Maybe this wasn’t because you felt useless, but because you simply only cared about prolonging your own life and nothing else. Hm.

The moral here? Be selfless, and always know and remember that you matter.

Or else, one day, you might destroy the universe. And be left to suffer, and be tortured horribly and endlessly by the void of nothingness that has consumed you. With no way to escape. Ever.

Other moral because I got sidetracked from my initial point - all things considered, would you choose longevity over purpose? Immortality over meaning? 

OR, IDK, MAYBE SOME IDIOT JUST LAMINATED A STUPID PIECE OF PAPER TOWEL FOR NO GOOD REASON

AND MAYBE I SHOULDNT BE LOOKING FOR THE ANSWERS TO THE MEANING OF OUR SHORT, FRAGILE LIVES IN

A LAMINATED

PAPER

T OW E L

IDK MAN,

I D K

Sarah go to bed

Well that was quite a ride across the spectrum of the human condition.

What is all this even about the laminated paper towel is apparently the answer to everything

All hail the laminated paper towel

All hail.

(via nobody-but-mebody)

How (not) to correctly open an aluminium can

  • Little maze of twisting passages
  • Little maze of twisty passages
  • Little twisty maze of passages
  • Maze of little twisting passages
  • Maze of little twisty passages
  • Maze of twisting little passages
  • Maze of twisty little passages
  • Twisting little maze of passages
  • Twisting maze of little passages
  • Twisty little maze of passages
  • Twisty maze of little passages

                   -Colossal Cave Adventure, “Maze of twisty little passages”

There was this in-joke amongst my classmates that revolved a setup that involved Borscht and it’s supposed to be very funny but the problem is no-one remembers exactly what the punchline actually was. And now it’s just us people laughing morbidly at the mention of Borscht without actually knowing why and apparently that’s the joke now, and when people ask we tell them that it’s an in-joke.

boygeorgemichaelbluth:

thatfunnyblog:

You know what’s creepy about Humpty Dumpty?

They never said he was an egg.

image

(via nobody-but-mebody)

“The new prime number discovered recently is four times bigger than the previous record.”
Get it? By John Blasik. (via curiosamathematica)
“If you removed all the arteries, veins, and capillaries from a person’s body, and tied them end-to-end…that person will die.”
— Neil deGrasse Tyson

curiosamathematica:

Mankind’s first picture of the Mandelbrot set, from the paper The dynamics of 2-generator subgroups of PSL(2,C) by Robert Brooks and J. Peter Matelski.

Internet In a Fictional Universe

  • John!: (extra frustrated becuase no internet connection)
  • John!: (in Nowhere)
  • Pandahero: Pffft, who needs the internet
  • Pandahero: when you have chocolate lakes
  • Pandahero: and boats made of oreo
  • Pandahero: and witches
  • Pandahero: that can kill you
  • Pandahero: with a snap of a finger
  • John!: well
  • John!: you'd
  • John!: definitely want to blog about the witch though
  • John!: (A Lost Soul Live-Tweeting the witch battle)
  • John!: (send help this is more ridiculous than expected)
  • Pandahero: PFFT
  • Pandahero: #911
  • Pandahero: #Lookatmyscars
  • Pandahero: #HelpMeIAmDying
  • Pandahero: That'd make an awesome video
  • Pandahero: 100% special effect free
  • Pandahero: Imagine the video going viral
  • Pandahero: and their parents seeing it
  • Pandahero: their children murdered live
  • John!: ...
  • John!: I take that back
  • John!: I'm thankful there's not internet in Nowhere
  • Pandahero: Imagine all the likes
  • Pandahero: they could get on instagram
  • Pandahero: Chocolate lake!
  • Pandahero: Real dismembered rabbits in cute uniforms
  • Pandahero: ALL THE FOOD PICS
  • Pandahero: at the queen's feasts
  • John!: thE FOOD PICS
  • John!: ok the food pics are worth some murders